The Score

 Hi 

I think it's a part of my culture to do things for the sake of making God happy. It's like the way Jesus said (not exactly but almost) store what you value somewhere which doesn't perish. Like he was pointing out how we may value money and think about saving it as a thing to rely on, we can save the result of our deeds somewhere in the computer of the universe or the Mind of God and let Him keep the count. I think it is very beautiful but I don't know how practical it is. Like doing things without getting material compensation for too long may not be the healthiest thing to do. 

I mean you have to be financially and mentally secure enough to be able to give yourself to others too often. Otherwise you will sacrifice yourself and you will lose the respect for yourself and your self worth because you are always available.

It is hard to decide where do you want to draw the line especially if you don't want to be a hypocrite. If the Mind of your God is calculating the trajectories and events, maybe it will adjust your way in a way that you don't have to keep track of the score. 

I think having attraction and repulsion in a balanced way comes with just doing what you enjoy all the time. But forst you have to know how to keep your energy up by knowing what you really like and enjoy. Especially in unpredictable situations of being with someone else and helping them. You have to take space and express your emotions without censorship. Your true self is what is lovable and has edges and sharp corners. It is not your job to keep everyone happy because they would be happy if they chose to. You can't change someone's life especially by not being yourself. 

Love you.