Trying

 Hi,

My lowest points in life were the points where I was trying to make something look more than what it is. The point is not trying as Charles Bukowski lived it. 

It goes back to the realization of the human perspective of life. For any project ever done by human beings, regardless of how grand the project was, it was done through the units of human beings looking through a pair of eyes and manipulating the matter with their hands. It is the understanding of if anything is going to happen it should happen through you, doing a certain sequence of jobs in the right way.

The plan and the way the process is designed and the skill set to have to do what is needed are what is important. 

It is questioning whether you, consisting of an observer in your head and what is in front of you can work together at the moment or not. And if you can, what quality of work you can deliver. Can you take over the piece of work that has been given to you and do it from start to beginning or your mind will be busy with different things resulting in distractions and mistakes in the work.

With the understanding of how fractal time works, good luck understanding it, I mean partially understanding it, we can understand how if you want anything to happen clean, you have to finish what is on your plate now clean. You have to understand your days and weeks and years break into patterns of self-replicating sequences of work that are reflecting each other. To make it all work, each one, even insignificant and hidden ones must be done properly. All of these lead to having discipline in what you are doing. 

The thing is even pretending to have discipline is fundamentally wrong, in my opinion. Pretending to have discipline comes from an idealistic mindset in which you want to force your inner animal to behave a certain way even though it does not want to. It results in diet-like habits which die over time and causes self-hate. It is okay if it is for proving something to yourself with care and attention but even after proving it, you have to live towards getting to the point of having discipline. It is the process of training the animal to like to have discipline. 

When it likes to live it this way, there will be no trying to convince yourself to do something which you think is good for you. Your self will do it because you understand the importance of it. It is about growing the child into a responsive and responsible adult.