Feelings

 Hi

Feelings cut the deal.

At first, I thought the answer is in a stiff mind and not feeling. Physics liked that way of thinking until I developed feelings about the implications of quantum physics. Quantum physics to me is the easter egg at the end of the path of religious physics. A fail-safe key to making sure the equation will not become solved by the human mind. Otherwise, I would imagine fitting the reality in an equation would imply the end of reality. Time is what is keeping reality unpredictable and interesting to witness.

So with this underlying unpredictability at the core of our reality, the stiffness strategy becomes obsolete and something else has to take over it. Stiffness works in limited domains of full control in some levels of magnification but it is like trying to fit a polynomial equation to a few points in a certain range, the error might be very low on the desired points but the space in between them, and outside of their range are very much out of control. 

So I like more of a stochastic approach rather than total control. 

Heisenberg's uncertainty principle is an example of what happens when one tries to pay a lot of attention to fixing a parameter. This principle talks about a pair of variables and how defining or measuring one of them with high accuracy results in increasing the uncertainty of the other variable in the pair. The physics world is good to define abstract principles to apply to the human scale. Optimizing just one parameter in the human scale is possible by shifting many other variables out of balance. 

So it better be a worthy variable

Or maybe it is a good idea not to focus on just one

Maybe the optimization has to be done on the grand scale of human experience. But what should be the measurable parameter of the cost function? 

The cost function sums up all the state variables with their representative weight and gives a measure of how balanced the equation is. 

 What are the state variables of human experience?

What is the weight of each one?

To understand the variables we need to focus on how we are feeling. How much time are we spending on different activities and what is the healthy balance that shows the best results over the long term in different conditions?

This requires careful attention to the feelings and schedule and a long-term study of decisions and their consequences.

Choice

 Hi

To make a mistake or to die doing nothing?

That's the conundrum of a inexperienced young mind.

Maybe many of us have tried writing journals in the past and when we look at them, the cringe of nativity of our mind hurts so much that we tend to stop reading them after a few pages.

Well, it's hard to have the knowledge of how imperfect we are at any moment and act for our future self to judge us and look down at us.

Everything can be done better and every action has to be done once for the first time. Perfecting it and never doing it leads to nowhere and death is the end line that is coming closer and closer.

Therefore it becomes a question of whether to choose to be devalued at the moment or to spend time doing something to be questioned later in life.

It's a force that is pulling us back to our safety zone and needs a motivation to move forward. 

Routine

 Hi

After a long time, almost a year, I want to review my goals and see how did I do.

One of my goals for this year was mastery over myself. 

By that, I mean being able to feel in tune with my self and be able to process the feelings and have a good understanding of my energy. 

I cannot say I have achieved my goal. Life comes at me in waves and I am having a hard time getting hit by the life lessons and keeping my ship above the surface.

I think the biggest challenge in my life is waking up in the morning. 

There are so many things that can fit in the morning routine and waking up half conscious and thinking about them usually results in saying, there is time for doing that, and snoozing till the red alert.

My defeated self realized I cannot stay stubborn and try to have everything in my mind and I am going to have a checklist in my phone and start as soon as I wake up and leave earlier to work. 

That is my plan for tomorrow as a pilot and we will see if that is going to become my way of going through 2023 or not.

weeks

 Hi

Weeks are passing by like days would,

They told me time will speed up in the adulthood,

I am not saying I miss it. Days are different,

Each day is gaining its own persona and I am getting to know them,

Weeks are days and days are hours of days,

A year is now seven times shorter,

They told me adulthood passes fast I didn't understand then,

I want to put it in words but it is hard to say,

each activity needs a bit more energy but gives me a deeper focus,

I am going for what I need and time is not scarce,

Keeping it up takes effort and slips away,

Weeks are like a string one after eachother,

Stress and feeling tired carries to the next,

I have learnt I have to take a pause, once in a while,

Otherwise, time slips out of my pinch, and will be lost,

Work is now a word that needs to be done,

This word has gained life, and is intelligent enough,

It can hear, as my boss would say,

It knows how to battle me, it feels like it can fool me,

By telling me I can push and get rid of it,

But the reality tells me another story,

The reality is the story is the same as it's always been,

It wants my life, it wants my time,

getting it done is not its concern at all,

It wants my attention, wants to see me tired,

Wants to burn me out like a cigarette,

But I am gonna balance it, never gonna give up,

The balance is on doing everything on time