Loss

The only system that doesn't have loss is no system. Even a system that is designed to benefit from loss has a limited efficiency in how the loss is managed to be utilized. Sometimes we see losses, and we want to stop them. This heartfelt effort comes from the depths of the heart, but not all losses can be tracked down to be resolved. If the loss is associated with the system and the system needs a certain functionality from that loss, even if the mechanism could be replaced, the decision to make the change may not become feasible at all. 

It is funny to some extent that we tend to work with problems rather than solve them. It is expected that one be able to make problems work in a steady fashion, where the energy is used at a reasonable rate. But the goal must be to solve the problem, not to stay with the problem forever, as working with the devil you know is better than a new one that you don't know. The problems today might be tolerable, but tomorrow, there is no guarantee that the world is going to spin the same way. Everything changes and fades through time. We start to question the exact reasons why certain things were decided to be done a certain way. It becomes as impossible to think about it as to come up with a new way. Thinking and writing become more and more important, but what is written is not the same after some time. What makes sense will start to lose its essence and become ambiguous as it loses the sparkles of presence into the void of space. In short, all we can carry remains in our heads, and we can only reference back to what we can recollect incompletely to complete them. A limit of the castle of the mind. 

It is funny how we can't remember certain things, but then certain other things from the far past remain like a bump in a vast ocean of forgotten past. A feeling of bitterness, a feeling of revenge, wanting to take back something that once was ours and now is gone. 

Born from a feeling of being entitled to so and so. It becomes much more pronounced when thinking about the preventable losses. The imaginary timelines where certain things were done in the time we wanted them to be done. A bigger loss lies in the feeling of not being able to save what could be saved at the moment.

I think this is where we are allowed to ask: why didn't we have the power to save?

Who took away that power from us? Who did not allow us to do what we felt was right?

As far as I remember, I said what I thought was right, and I tried to be aligned with the higher purpose. But it has never been in my hands to avoid the self-harming elements of the system. Now that I am a bit older, I am becoming strong enough to start arguing with those who take power in the destruction of values. It is the cheaper version of power, which comes with pushing the cost on those who are constructive. Destruction is needed for new constructions, but there are people who destroy not with the intent of making beauty, but with the intent of their own pleasure. A pleasure that is to numb the deep pain of not being able to find meaning in their life. A pleasure like that is not tame. It wants more and more since it fills up a broken bucket with a hole in it. It never fills up. 

Maybe in my next life, I am able to choose or take a surgical knife and cut the problem away. Who knows.