onion skin

 He was trying to get even with his solitude in such a way that he doesn't feel he is cheating what God has said to be true 

In the reality of his, he took subtle steps towards fixing what he felt needed to be fixed. An unknown realm to be explored. A mix of bright and the dark to be looked at and decide which side he wanted to be a part of. 

His color of choice was black because the most sinister sinners are the people of God. The rest don't do sin, they live unnoticed.

He looked for God and what he found was extremely unsettling. He found that the sun is not to be looked at and the way of which it is decided to be is looking down at the creation and for It to be invisible but infinitely divisible. So divisible that he found the encounter with God ever so familiar. Familiar in such a way that the feeling aligns with the feeling of revisiting a moment, which happened a few second ago. 

All his lifetime of not being able to perceive something that was a few inches from him.