Hi
I wanted to go biking today to get ready for our biking event next weekend. It's going to be a 20-30km biking path with coworkers. I wanted to but it looks like it is a rainy day. Just checked, all day.
I feel like these days light and dark deeply affect me and my good days and cloudy days are deeper than what it was before. I think it's because I am trying to make myself more sensitive to the flow of what is happening around me. Good days are enjoyable and darker days are for learning. I want to maximize learning without sacrificing enjoyment in this lifetime. Because a depressed wise man was not probably wise enough to fix his depression.
There are many levels of depression. And there are many levels of not being depressed. Let's call it elevation.
When someone is elevated, they can wake up and get out of bed. They will have self-love for their inner child, meaning if the child is being a bit uneasy to deal with, they know how to fix it. They will spend time on themselves, on their looks, on the type of food they make or choose for themselves. The more elevated they are the more expressive they become, maybe they enjoy themselves in a group of friends or coworkers. Maybe they start working on personal projects and investments for their future. Arts, writing, reading, or just learning something new. New people, new ways of doing things, etc.
A person who has not had much time in their lifetime in the state of elevation does not know their uniqueness and does not know their potential. Which means they are hidden from themselves to be found. And to discover the self takes a long time even if someone hits the state of elevation. It's like being awake for the first time does not mean you know everything from the outer world. It is a journey of a lifetime to figure it out. It just means now you are given the choice of to be or not. The more elevated you are the easier it is to choose to be. But still, you have to make the choice.
After waking up one of the first questions is: is it even worth it to go through this.
If the goal of life is to make an art out of life*, Maybe even a seed with a lot of potential that never got to grow and get its head out of the dead soil is also beautiful. It will be a tragic story and not get the chance to flourish.
It is beautiful in the sense of carrying an emotional load but the artist soon realizes that time is still flowing and life has not ended. Maybe spending a few days\months\years choosing not to be is not that eventful for someone who is awake and is looking for adventure.
The other way around is choosing to be. Every day, after waking up, responding to the question of whether to be or go back to nothingness with to be! and then the artist realizes even with this choice they have not gotten into the paradise of their mind. It is like a process that has just started. It's like the little plant of life has broken the soil and exposed itself to the outside.
And now it has to spend time and see days and nights, cold and warm, dry and rainy days to get to its final form. Carrying a burden from its past life and having weak roots its journey has just begun. To let go of the past, drop by drop, and to move forward. To get rooted in a new land and hope for the universe around it to take care of it.
Whatever is outside is infinite times bigger than it and the seed cannot wait for the perfect time to grow. It is always imperfect and it has to find the path for its roots through hard land and deal with the weather around it. It will be the understanding of being in the moment and doing the best possible because no one really knows the equations of chaos. Anything can happen at any time but there is an order behind everything. To be is to trust the order. To be is to trust the creator of the painting to make the best stroke possible out of you, one color in his paint pallet.
Of course, no one likes to be the stroke of the brush which is not good enough and gets covered by something else and no one likes to be a part of the painting which gets thrown in the closet and never gets a value. It is the scary part of being. To take the chance of not being good enough in return for a touch from the brush of the creator. To trust the One who created you. To be touched by the brush of the time which is drawing every scene from thicker lines to the finest details. From the beginning to the end. This understanding helps a lot with selfishness to understand that you are not the only one that matters, the painting is made by intertwined lines and layers of colors on top of each other. To see winning and losing is something in your game and in the bigger game, everything is happening for a bigger purpose.
I like to invite you to listen to Yanni - "A Love for Life" to see a piece of art made by the flow of small segments of music into each other seamlessly. Going up and down and slow and fast and making tension and release so beautifully.
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