Coding

 When god was designing coders, he did not put any women in their mix. From experience, it is not a job which requires women to be around. Or at least it wasn’t for me. I have had users of my code who were women who were testers and specialists but that’s about it.

To me, what people do and their job aligns very well in average. We always have people who are pushing regardless of abrasion they feel which might be due their insensitiveness to pain or tunnel vision which evolves into life lessons or denying parts of themselves which takes the wholeness out of experience. On the other side of the spectrum you have imposters without imposter syndrome who are good at dodging what comes to them and their energy is used in another way at the end of the day. But on average people are doing what they are working on. 

Doing some cool stuff, dodging the reality, distraction, you can be above nature if you are fast enough. Not everyone is looking for wholeness. Sometimes procrastination is a way of moving forward in life with no one telling you when to run. But run towards what? Is there a light out there that is shining wholeness or we are supposed to be disintegrated into understanding a never ending depth of knowledge? 

There was a prof who was talking about why people are understanding quantum mechanics wrong and the tiles he was using to build on his opinion were standing on rigorous mathematics and concepts which each one not only needs understanding the math but also an understanding of an unexplainable idea which we can only see sides of it thorough mathematics which end up working for some reason. The interviewer asked if he has done all he was talking about and he said you know, there is this thing called time and that is limited and so on.

Even by choosing the path of one of the most logical and mathematically explorable fields of knowledge, there is no way of building a satisfactory model of reality. 

So I beg this question. Why aren’t we aiming at something which we can have women around? If at the end of the day, it is an unending exploration for more and more of a water that never satisfies the thirst, why should I be spending my limited time on it? 

The thing about women is a similar thing. I like the idea of a woman but then having a whole person in life, whom is around and does human things and wants to do stuff that I will not understand? It is a complex thing.

Nature is a woman who is not understandable. And women generally don’t understand power. They push to the extremes and aren’t gentle and expect men to be gentle. This all comes from the fraternity of men who being with each other, push for beating up each other and making a sausage party which is not enjoyable by anyone other than them. And I guess in a society where men seem disempowered, they find peace in being with each other and enjoying life in this strange way of being. Enjoying loud, peculiar, dominating, etc things which affirms their masculinity through interacting with other men. 

On the other hand, nature defines masculinity adjacent to the concept of femininity. The middle is an undefined region, a singularity which by interacting and solving the equation at different distances from the middle a fractal canvas can be made. The pain of being there is shame and uncertainty in judgement and exchange of values. This makes people of knowledge to assume a base ground which is poorly defined and work far enough in the linear region which is more defined because it is more similar as what their biology makes them identify by. 

An example that comes to my mind is look at how great we were in 1970s sending men to the moon but not an everlasting success. It was because this successful attempt was a masculine attempt. Don’t take physiological aspects literally but look at it as how it was due to a competition between people of power which can evolve fast but nothing has roots in anything as long as there is no opposite and nurturing side built alongside of it. 

I was looking at one of the aerospace engineers who worked on a photonics paper in i think 80s and saw he has become a high school teacher. Teaching kids of next generation in a level which barely compares to the levels they have touched. In the end, in 50 years span, we can only move so much as a collective but we also don’t have the patience to move slowly. This happens more as we get more disconnected from our natural and rooted side and we move towards standing on top of each other with no proper basis of taking care of the level of stress that is being transferred to the root, whether this effort is sustainable or not.

So what is the alternative for someone like me who is aware of this but is put in a position to satisfy abstract needs? 

I need money and it is a good way of making it. And I also spend time working on those other atmospheric and personal problems I sense. But it begs the question whether I am where I need to be or not?