birthday

 Hi

Today is almost my birthday. It is a birthday celebration of being born once more on this planet. A different place and different culture but almost exactly the same feeling. The deaf feeling of needing to communicate. It manifested itself in finding its way of gaining value by making my roommates feel distant from me. I remember how lovely they were but the fact that there was a language barrier between us stopped us from getting closer than a certain distance. Funny that language is what fills up the empty space between us humans. It can initiate itself but whether or not it wants to land is its own business. It can make a spark between two and end up becoming a brick wall between them. No matter how hard they try, the darn language knows its way of making us feel truly distant from each other. 

It all seems beautiful to me. The way life finds its way in teaching us more and more by taking away from us what we thought we had and letting us focus on the details to realize how much of it was missing. It's the way the master wants to teach. None of us know what is our role and position and it wants to teach us. Teach us by making us feel small. By breaking the selfish ego that we built by control. By the fear of losing. It wants us to lose so many times that we understand the probability of losing and winning is not a random function. It's a function that is driven by many events and not only summarized in a causal way. It is made in a way to paint a picture. The picture is made out of many elements that unfold and find their way to blossom. 

Sometimes I can feel its electric taste. The taste burns the mouth and makes the mind wander. A reason, a way to justify being without feeling too guilty. I celebrate tonight with many things. Went swimming after work. Talked to a gentleman at the pool and talked to a lovely lady in the store. Made myself dinner and bought me a gift. A gift that I call it Cupcake. Spending this night thinking about all the names of the people who found their way into my life in the past five years.